The Feast of New Erebor
by Isildur's Heiress
Summary: The battle of Five Armies was brutal. There were thousands dead on both sides, but through all of the misery and gore there was happiness… and drinking…and very, very dirty dancing. Main pairings are Thorin/Bilbo, Fili/Kili, and Balin/Gandalf
1. Chapter 1

The Feasts of New Erebor

FiliKili, Thilbo Bagginshield, Balidalf

Disclaimer: If I owned there would have been a not PG-13 version of the movie. And Richard Armitage would be my personal singer. Fact

A.N. This is my take on the feast after the claiming of Erebor and other shenanigans. AU for people kept alive and character and plot differences. And I added Gandalf in a pairing because I respect Ian McKellan as an actor and in a way this is a tribute to him and his bravery in supporting his (and my) sexuality

Summary: The battle of Five Armies was brutal. There were thousands dead on both sides, but through all of the misery and gore there was happiness… and drinking…and very, very dirty dancing.

* * *

In the aftermath of the Battle of Five Armies Thorin had roared thunderously until the unconscious body of a certain hobbit was brought to him. At which point he roared _louder._

_"DAMN IT! IS THERE NOTHING MORE THAT YOU CAN DO?" _

"Sir, the only thing to do now is wait. Master Bilbo sustained an injury from a poisoned Orc arrow." It was obvious by the Healer's tone that his patience was wearing thin.

With a final grumbling glare toward anyone in the vicinity (Including, but not limited to ; Bombur, Bifur, Balin, Gandalf, Ori, Nori, Fili and Kili) Thorin took off at a run to the chambers where Bilbo rested.

"YOUR HIGHNESS,!" The healer yelled after him, "MASTER BI- Oh, never mind. Why do I bother?"

Gandalf patted the poor, exhausted Healer and said, "The lad is worried about his lover. Don't fret."

The healer rolled his eyes. The assembled Dwarves laughed and tossed knowing looks at the pair of brothers, who were clutching each other as though Smaug were reanimated and coming toward them. Fili and Kili had not left each other at any point in the battle at all.

When all had calmed reasonably there were several new couples sitting together at the celebratory feast. Among them a fully recovered and blushing Bilbo, sitting on a beaming and laughing Thorin's broad thighs, and more-than-brotherly Fili and Kili, who were looking about them warily as though expecting some form of extreme reprimand, or ghost of ancestors to damn them and their children. (For Dwarf males could carry children as well as any female, it was just rather frowned upon.) The feast was the most grand in the land since the loss of Erebor.

As the feast continued even the most embarrassed and worried of the people, namely Bilbo, Kili, and Balin, who had ambushed Gandalf in a closet earlier in the evening, relaxed and drank and laughed along with everyone else.  
At one point Bilbo hopped from Thorin's lap and pulled Kili and Balin from the clutches of their lovers as well.

The three had sat in a rather dark corner of the room and had conspired to get insanely drunk, thus forcing their respective lovers to take them to bed, at which point they would spring on them.

Bilbo was the first to raise a question. "And do what ?"

Balin and Kili gazed at him with twin looks of disbeilef.  
Balin answered him, if slowly. "Have you ever been with another?"

Bilbo was flustered by the question, and he blushed. " Well, erm of course, a male in fact. B-but what has that to do with anything, If I might ask?"

Kili rolled his eyes. "You know Balin, our king seems impatient enough. He'd probably beat Bilbo to the punch."

Balin nodded wisely. "Bilbo, there has been a change of plan for you."

Bilbo was bewildered. "And what is that ?"

"Get drunk off your Hobbit ass." Said Balin and Kili

At about midnight Bilbo had consumed enough ale, mead and beer to knock flat a fully-grown Dwarf, and Balin and Kili were not much behind. The point of recognition for their respective lovers, Thorin especially, was when the band began playing songs with more rhythm and tempo.

The three drunkards were dancing rather crazily, grinding against each other, undulating and gyrating wildly. Gandalf and Fili were on their feet instantly to retrieve their lovers from further humiliation. Thorin put his arm out to stop them however.

"No, wait." When his request was met with quizzical looks he responded, "Just watch."

All eyes were now on the space in the dining area that had been cleared and called the dance floor. Kili was behind Bilbo and running his hands over the others' shoulders, while thrusting against him gently to the beat of the drums and nuzzling his neck.  
Balin strode toward them, obviously upset about being excluded. Bilbo pulled him close and kissed the older Dwarf.

By this point all three of them had been watching them with increasing libido, and Thorin exploding from their midst to grab a rather shocked Bilbo from between Kili and Balin, shocked them from their reverie. The other two sprang from their spots as quickly as Thorin had. However the Dwarf King and his Hobbit had disappeared, Gandalf peeled Balin from Kili and chuckled.

"Where do you suppose Thorin has gone?"

Fili chuckled darkly. "The same place as the rest of us pretty soon."

Meanwhile Bilbo had transferred from underneath Thorin's arm to having his own pinned to the wall above his head. Thorin pressed Bilbo's body to the wall with his own and kissed the Hobbit. They continued in this fashion until they both had a need for oxygen that overruled their need for each other.

"You. Are. Mine. Bilbo Baggins, do you understand that ? Mine!" Thorin growled, pressing his head to Bilbo's.

Bilbo managed a strangled yes, whimpering at the lack of contact and pent-up chuckled and gathered Bilbo into his arms and kissed him again, less savagely. The pair continued down the hall in the same way until reaching the door to their room, which was promptly kicked and Bilbo was not seen for the remainder of the evening and most of the next morning.

* * *

A.N. Thoughts? Questions? Comments? I'm debating about doing another chapter or two what do you think? Reviews are love!


	2. Chapter 2

The Feasts of New Erebor

FiliKili, Thilbo Bagginshield, Balidalf

Disclaimer: If I owned there would have been a decidedly not PG-13 version of the movie. And Richard Armitage would be my personal singer. Fact

A.N. This is my take on the feast after the claiming of Erebor and other shenanigans. AU for people kept alive and character and plot differences. And I added Gandalf in a pairing because I respect Ian McKellan as an actor and in a way this is a tribute to him and his bravery in supporting his (and my)sexuality

Summary: The battle of Five Armies was brutal. There were thousands dead on both sides, but through all of the misery and gore there was happiness… and drinking…and very, very dirty dancing

Part 2

When Bilbo awoke the next morning he rolled over and yawned in a mouthful of hair and a very well-defined chest.  
"Ack! What the-? Where the-?" Bilbo sat up and looked around bewildered until he saw the veritable nest that was Thorin's hair in the mornings. _Especially after wild sex,_ thought Bilbo with a slight shudder. Bilbo's eyes next reached the powerful, naked leg extended gracefully, well for a dwarf, over Bilbo's own.

Thorin moaned and stretched his arm over where Bilbo's torso should have been, starting straight up and gasping when the empty sheets that he encountered were chilled.

"Morning, Love." Bilbo said as he stretched.

"BILBO!" Thorin shrieked as he flew backwards off of the bed, falling in an ungainly, naked heap. Bilbo crept to the side of the bed to look over at Thorin, who had the timing to stand , placing a certain *cough* piece of equipment in Bilbo's face.  
Bilbo wrenched himself backward and blushed deeply. Thorin had the decency to crawl back beneath the sheets and furs, grinning in a rather feral manner, and pull his lover close against his chest, breathing in the sweet and slightly wild scent of Bilbo's hair.

The loving moment was simultaneously interrupted by two things. Bilbo rocketed from Thorin's embrace to sprint as quickly as his Hobbit-legs would allow in to the adjoining bathroom and a very feminine scream rattled in the hallway.  
Thorin rushed out, barely remembering to grab a sheet, and looked for the source of the scream. What he found, however, was not expected.

Gandalf was apparently trying to put Balin's head through the wall with the force of his kiss.

Unfortunately for everyone else (especially the poor chambermaid who had fainted on the floor) he had been attempting this in the middle of a public hallway, completely nude.  
Thorin forced himself not to gag and to cough politely in an attempt to get the passionate couple's attention. Bilbo at this moment wandered out of the bedroom, clad in a white robe, to observe with sickening detail the clenching of muscles and moaning of the overly-passionate Gandalf and Balin.

Bilbo didn't have the restraint to merely cough politely, instead he all but screamed, "GANDALF!"

This outburst seemed to bring the couple back to reality.

Gandalf coughed, "Ah. Well, erm. Balin and I were- Oh damn." The wizard allowed Balin to touch the ground and he grabbed the blushing elder Dwarf and disappeared into the bedroom down the hall that had been dubbed Balin's own.

Bilbo looked at Thorin rather incredulously.

Thorin just shrugged and asked "Back to bed, then?"

"Preferably. I, um, have something to tell you." Bilbo blushed and waited for Thorin to grasp his calloused, larger hand and rested his head on the Dwarf King's shoulder as they walked.  
Once the pair reached their bedroom the afforded each other a few minutes to dress.

Bilbo asked from behind the changing screen, "Thorin could I braid your hair when I talk to you in a moment?"

Thorin shot a quizzical look at the head that had just popped from behind the screen. "Of course. You needn't ask."

It was a known fact that Thorin was significantly calmer than normal in two situations; when someone was brushing or braiding his hair, and when he had his precious Hobbit near enough to touch. Thorin wondered why Bilbo wanted him calmer and was instantly more on edge. Bilbo stepped away from the screen dressed in the silver filigree and dark brown vest that Thorin had made for him, a simple white shirt that seemed to be the trademark of Hobbits, and simple tweed trousers.  
Bilbo walked quickly into the strong arms that had opened for him, and was held in the warm and, loving embrace of his lover.

"C'mon. Let's go fix your hair." Bilbo ran his fingers through the towering rat's nest that was Thorin's hair in the mornings. When Thorin merely chuckled and kissed Bilbo's own relatively neat mop, Bilbo was a bit more forceful. "Go on. Go sit."

Thorin raised his eyebrows, but smiled and complied with his Hobbit, sitting in the chair in front of the vanity to the left of the bed. Bilbo came up behind him and reached around for the boar's bristle brush that would remove most of the tangles, and began pulling it through Thorin's hair lovingly.  
For a few moments Thorin just sat silently, enjoying the feeling of his lover gently running a brush through his hair, watching in the mirror as his hair turned from a wild mess to some slight order.

Thorin spoke finally. " Bilbo, what was it that you wanted to tell me?"

Bilbo visibly blanched but steeled himself and resumed brushing Thorin's long ebony hair. "Well Thorin do you remember that we first….consummated our love and you were worried that one day we might have to decide on a surrogate when you would need an heir?"

Thorin was more puzzled than ever but he answered. "Yes?"

Bilbo let out a calming breath and continued, "Well it would appear that that moment will never have to happen." Thorin shot up from the chair and catching the brush on one particular knot. "WHAT! Are you telling me that you -a male hobbit- are with child?"

Bilbo blushed deeper and replied, "Yes. It's only Bagginses and it hasn't happened for a few generations and - and -"

Bilbo was abruptly silenced by Thorin pressing his lips to Bilbo's. " Don't fret, love. Dwarf men can carry children-" And Thorin himself stopped short. "Last night! The amount of alcohol! Is the baby going to be okay? "

Bilbo laughed. "Yes. Hobbit fetuses are geared with an extreme tolerance for alcohol until about five months in, and I am only in the second month.

* * *

Later that day Thorin had pulled together the most magnificent triple wedding in the history of Erebor, past or present.

Balin and Gandalf had agreed that their marriage would be the best option, since Balin had found his One and there would be nothing short of death that could tear them apart.

Fili and Kili also asked to be married and, much to the shock of their Uncle, for the same reason as Thorin and Bilbo! Kili was pregnant with twins! Thankfully Dwarf fetuses had the same resistance to alcohol that Hobbits did.

The wedding was a simple affair, just a handfasting ceremony and an exchange of vows.

Thorin's vows to Bilbo were, " Now that I've got your love I'll never ever give it up. I'll always need your kiss and your touch and all these things that surround us mean nothing to me compared to you. Without you my life would have ended long ago and without you I would not be calling an heir to the world. I love you and I promise never to leave your side, in all things.

* * *

The reception was a grand thing, and this time Bilbo and Kili, after many protestations were denied anything stronger than fruit juices or _one _glass of wine. Despite that the three of them managed to sneak onto the dance floor and have fun.  
This time when their spouses caught them they were encouraged by all assembled to join with their partners, and to the surprise of the pregnant people and Balin they were all very good.

Thorin especially got into it, taking center stage and running one hand back in his hair, which had been left loose, started dancing. He moved with grace and agility that spoke of fighting experience. Thorin managed to get Fili to dance with him and he and Thorin pulled much the same stunt that Bilbo and Kili had the night before!

This rendition was however not interrupted by their husbands until it was over, both of the pregnant husbands turned on immensely and that having been made painfully clear the party was vacated and all of the newlyweds went off to 'bed'.

We all know that none of them, with child or otherwise, did not sleep until the sun rose the next morning.

* * *

I want to know if you think that I should do another chapter about Thorin and Bilbo's children. If you think that I should comment and tell me how many, what gender and some possible names!  
I love all of you who have commented, favorited or followed! INPUT PLEASE! ( I shall reward with more Thorin dancing if you like!)


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